So aside from the fact that my hormones are out of whack, I’ve had zero sleep, and my fat jeans are tight, I also find myself tearing up over the the look of betrayal in my daughter’s eyes as I spend hours holding, feeding, and rocking the baby. I feel helpless and torn. How can I possibly show both of them how much I love them.
After what seemed like weeks of saying no there came an afternoon where the baby was sleeping and I could actually say yes when she asked me if we could make brownies.
(Of course Kitty the Cat wanted to help she’s been feeling pretty ignored too).
As we mixed and spilled and dribbled and dripped, scraped vanilla beans and baked up a beautiful pan of brownies, I felt for an instant that everything was going to be okay. That she would remember me not as the mother who abandoned her the second her brother came along but the one who baked with her and read her books and gave hugs and kisses and loved her and her brother more than anything in this world.Print
Dairy-Free Vanilla Bean Brownies
- Yield: 16 Brownies 1x
- 1 1/4 cups granulated sugar
- 1/2 cup vegetable oil
- 2 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped
- 1 vanilla bean, or 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
- 2 large eggs
- 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
- 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- Heat oven to 325°F and arrange rack in the bottom third. Grease an 8-inch square baking pan and set aside. Combine sugar, oil, and chocolate in a small saucepan over medium-low heat. Stir frequently until melted and smooth. Pour into a medium bowl and let cool slightly.
- Using a paring knife, cut vanilla bean in half vertically, then using the back of the knife, scrape all the seeds out of the bean. Add the vanilla bean seeds to the chocolate mixture as well as the eggs, and whisk to combine. Sift the cocoa powder, flour, and salt over the chocolate mixture, then stir with a wooden spoon until thick, shiny, and no flour remains. The batter will be very thick.
- Spread the batter evenly into the pan and bake until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out slightly moist, about 30 minutes. Let cool completely, then cut into squares and serve.